The Golden Rule

Credit: liberalmind1012

My husband and I are not religious. That’s a long and not terribly interesting story that doesn’t really have a place here, in this blog space. But it is related to the topic at hand, and therefore needed to be said upfront.

Because of the aforementioned lack of religiousness, a surprisingly common question after the birth of each of our two daughters was “how are you going to raise them?”

I am not normally brilliant off the cuff, but I was able to answer this one quickly and succinctly: “By The Golden Rule.”

I believe I learned The Golden Rule in Kindergarten, if not earlier: Treat others the way you would like to be treated. In other words, with care, respect and love. Having been raised myself in a major modern religion, and my husband in a minor (and slightly freaky) modern religion, we both believe this sentiment is at the core of what is good about both religion and humanity.

In general, I also believe we do a pretty good job of following The Golden Rule.

Except, as it turns out, on the freeway exit-ramps populated by folks with homeless signs asking for a handout.

The girls and I were driving home from a visit to Grandma and Grandpa’s house up in Anoka County, and exited at 46^th Street in South Minneapolis. We were waiting at the top of the exit ramp for the light to turn green , when the 7-year old – who has mastered the art of reading signs and asking difficult questions – asked what “homeless” meant.

“It means he doesn’t have a home,” I said.

“Why does he have a sign?” she asked.

“He says he needs money,” I replied.

“Well, give him some,” she said.

I didn’t respond. I didn’t reach for my purse, or roll down my window.

“Mom? Remember The Golden Rule?”

Oh, yeah, that. I am ashamed to admit that I actually said, “He has awfully nice sneakers for someone who says he’s homeless.”

“Maybe he spent all his money on his comfortable shoes, because he needed them to walk places,” she answered.

“Maybe,” I replied.

I was disturbed by this exchange, and not because my 7-year old bested me in a moral argument. I was disturbed because I didn’t know how to use The Golden Rule in this situation. Friends with children had nothing to offer: The responses to my question ranged from “the guy on our ramp has an iPhone – I don’t even have an iPhone!” to “will you share your article when you are done?”

I emailed Cathy ten Broeke, project coordinator for Heading Home Hennepin (http://headinghomeminnesota.org/hennepin/%5B~~%5D), hoping to learn more.

In 2006, Hennepin County adopted Heading Home Hennepin, a 10-year plan to end homelessness. The plan was developed by a commission of business and civic leaders, human service support agencies, advocates, and individuals who have experienced homelessness. Ten Broeke leads the team, and pointed me to an article she wrote last winter for the Southwest Journal (http://www.swjournal.com/index.php?&story=16515&page=152&category=66): “An antidote for panhandling.”

In the article, ten Broeke says that the question she most often hears from people is what they should do if someone on the street asks them for money.

“This is, hands down, the question I get asked the most often,” she says. “While not everyone who panhandles is without a home, many certainly are. It is a fair question. I do not claim to have a simple answer to a complicated social situation, and many thoughtful and knowledgeable people disagree on how best to respond to this question. But, after talking with dozens of people who panhandle and hearing from the countless people who give, this much I know: panhandling is a humiliating and degrading experience for everyone involved. “

Her advice? Treat panhandlers “with the utmost respect, politely decline and then go to giverealchange.org” (where one hundred percent of funds collected go directly to street outreach) and donate there.

While this advice provides little help to parents on exit ramps, it does match up well with The Golden Rule. Don’t judge the panhandler, you don’t know his or her situation; be polite and respectful, just as you would like to be treated; and make a real difference by donating to an organization dedicated to ending homelessness. While you’re at it, take the opportunity to talk openly with your kids about homelessness;  here’s a link to a survey completed in 2006 by Wilder Foundation (http://www.wilder.org/reportsummary.0.html?tx_ttnews[tt_news]=1963) that contains a lot of great info.

And remember, you don’t know why the panhandler has nice shoes.

Have you talked with your kids about homelessness – or The Golden Rule? Please share your advice and stories!